~VEIL'S FALL~
 

The Veil falls, leaving us vulnerable to menace and consumption by our peers. The waves overtake us. As though fleeing in terror from the gaping maw of a predator, we blend in as much as possible; terror within, chameleon without. We see the stained affliction of those around us, and we play along. It is the color of torture, torment and years of unhappiness. To escape their prisons at this stage would be to them as choosing death (or so they proclaim during those rare moments of lucidity).

They no longer comfort or encourage us. They need us to be less than we are now; our self-esteem was their vicarious fantasy, and now it is a threat. Now comes the stage where they need us to understand their suffering through our own experience. The circle is not complete until we break and therefore render them the satisfaction due for their sacrifices. In the death of our character and ensuing ‘un-life’, their existence would be justified. We struggle, but burrow deeper still. At some point we forget we are pretending.

Why? What have we done to deserve such fate? Bringing to bear our new weapons of anguish, the wheel of our mind turns predictably inward. The times when others are rallied against us, where there is nothing near to punish, we begin to wage a war in mind and body. We work hard to believe we weren’t really lied to. One of our few remaining bastions is the illusion of control. We experience a constant feeling of rowing away from an impending storm across growing swells, with the dread certainty that our oar will break with just a few more strokes. Ribs multiply. Our bodies begin to show the toll this is taking.

I still vividly recall the feelings behind this painting. It was like an all-eclipsing sadness for a beauty being dragged under water. The feeling of inexorably sinking, and the sleep of the inevitable outcome. For what was behind this painting was a girl with flaxen hair.